Dehydration

Me: God, I have a massive headache.

Wife: You’re probably dehydrated.

Me. (Roll eyes) I’m not dehydrated, I’m just stressed.

Wife: Well…what have you had to drink today?

Me: Lots

Wife: Coffee does not count…it’s a diuretic.

Me: (under breath) You’re a diuretic.

Wife: What did you say?

Me: I said I had water at lunch.

Wife: You mean you took your vitamins with a sip of water?

Me: It was like…half a glass. A quarter of a glass anyway. It was a big gulp.

Wife: And what have you had to eat?

Me: I ate that hunk of leftover ham for breakfast, soup for lunch – which is liquid thank you - pistachios for snack and…um…oh yeah a handful of pretzels.

Wife: So basically you had a bowl of salt and an assortment of salted nuts and meats.

Me: Yes.

Wife: And how much draft did you drink last night?

Me: Like two, three glasses. It’s hard to keep track because they give you those small glasses.

Wife: So you drank a pitcher at least.

Me: Its draft beer, it’s mostly water.

Wife: And wings?

Me: Pound of wings, but they weren’t that salty.

Wife: I told you, you’re supposed to drink a glass of water in between beers.

Me: Well we ordered suicide wings and they were freakin’ hot so I was kind of chugging my beer. It cools your mouth off better than water anyway.

Wife: So, let’s recap shall we? In the last 24 hours you have consumed a pound of salty wings, pretzels, pistachios, salty meats, store bought soup, a pitcher of beer, a pot of coffee and a sip of water.

Me: That sounds reasonably accurate.

Wife: And you want to know why you have a headache?

Me: Like I said…its stress.

Wife: Are you stressed because you are killing your arteries and liver or because of the pressures of being a high school librarian?

Me: Will you get me a Tylenol please?

Wife: You want water with that?

Me: No I'm good...I’ll just chomp it down.

Wife: You’re an idiot.