Monday, 11 August 2014

Dental Floss

The last time I went to the dentist I accidentally admitted to the hygienist that I rarely, if ever, flossed, which was apparently a grievous error. She made me promise to floss everyday, and in my weakened state I agreed. I said I would floss daily until our next visit, six months hence

Day One: I’ll show her. I’ve got the resolve of a really petty person who would change his entire oral hygiene ambition just to get back at a bullying dental hygienist.

Day Two: What the hell is up with all this blood?

Day Three: Late for Work! I’ll floss twice tomorrow.

Day Seven: Oops, missed a couple of days. Will floss, like, five times tomorrow.

Day Nine: She’s not the boss of me. I floss on my own terms.

Day 174: Oh God. She’s going to know I haven’t been flossing when I visit tomorrow. Maybe she has been fired since my last visit. Maybe she died.

Day 175: We have agreed to a ceasefire. She will stop badgering me about flossing, and I will not cause a scene again in the dental office. I agreed to take home the free floss anyway.

Day 176: They are trying to trick me with this minty floss.