Tuesday, 23 September 2014

10 types of people who I will never invite to afternoon tea

 Note: I don’t have afternoon tea, but if I did, the following miscreants would not be on the guest list.

1.       People who say they are vegetarians, but eat fish. A fish is not, in fact, a vegetable. This makes you a veggie-poseur and a jerk.

2.       Canadians who are ruining it for the rest of us. In the span of 8 months, Justin Beiber and Rob Ford have somehow managed to eclipse the goodwill established over the last 150 years by the likes of Sir John A. MacDonald, Anne Murray and Alex Trebek.                                                                                             

3.       Kids who are allergic to Peanut Butter. Not to lay a heavy on you if you are peanut allergic, but you have managed to ruin lunchtime for the majority of the free world. Makes me wish I lived in a place where they don’t freak out at every little case of the sniffles, or anaphylactic shock. I’ll bet kids in Russia are still allowed to take PB & J sandwiches to school. If they can get hold of some bread that is.

4.       People who wear track suits with large blingy jewelry. Make up your mind. Are you an athlete, or Liberace? You can’t be both.

5.       Tailgaters. Not the sausage eating Cleveland Browns fans, but the ones who are ramming their car up your arse when you are just trying to pass someone. Dude….it’s a blizzard and I’m already doing 120, so give me more than 2 seconds to get by this 60 foot transport truck.

6.       My ex-neighbor Jimmy. – Don’t worry about it…he knows what he did.

7.       Guys with chin-strap beards. You combo that with flat brimmed ball cap and those shorts that are almost long enough to be pants, but not quite, and you are entering serious d-bag territory.

8.       People who do not understand the concept of the drive through. If you are going to be feeding more than two people, and one of you is ordering anything more complicated than a muffin and a double-double, then you best get out of your vehicle and go speak to the nice people inside. In addition to holding up the convoy, you are spoiling the Tim Hortons “pay it forward” concept with your $55 order.

9.       Anyone who uses Twitter. I’m only saying this because I still don’t really know what Twitter is, and I feel left out.

10.   Self-righteous bloggers who take themselves too seriously. Get a life losers, and stop complaining about every little thing. Nobody cares what you think.