Monday, 4 June 2012

Redneck Wedding

-Dwayne Jr. the weddin’ is next week. Did you speak to your groomsmen yet?

- Baby I told you I took care of it.

-Dwayne Budweiser Earnhart Morris Junior, this is going to be a classy affair so you tell them boys they ain’t wearin’ flip flops or no work boots to my wedding. I want you to take ‘em on up to the Walmart and pick out some matching sneakers.

-You know I will Shania Destiny.

-Make sure they’re white. They got some of them Velcro ones on sale for $9.99.

-You think of everything baby-cakes.

-And make sure Earl gets that thing taken care of on his foot. The best man ain’t supposed to be limpin’ around like quasimodo. It wouldn’t kill him to leave the cane at home neither.

-I’ll talk to him baby but he’s pretty wobbly without it, and ‘sides that, he’s gonna have a few beers before the ceremony.

-Just make sure he don’t fall down in the middle of the talking part. Now listen…I want all black track pants, no holes in ‘em and no logos. That ain’t classy.

- I got it covered baby. We’re each getting a new pair when we go pick up the tuxedo t-shirts.

-Good. Did you order the mechanical bull yet?

- I thought you was takin’ care of that sugar pumpkin.

-Dwayne! When would I have time to do that? I was on the phone with the KFC half the day yesterday tryin’ to get the meal organized.

-I’m real sorry honeybunny, I’ll get right on it. How’d it go with the dinner anyways?

-We got 40 buckets of chicken comin’, 30 buckets of tater salad, and enough buns, fries and gravy for everyone, and…since Harmony-Marie is the manager at the KFC and she’s a bridesmaid, she’s gonna get them to deep fry up everything right before they deliver it, so it’s real fresh.

-That’s real smart sweetie. You’re the best.

- My cousin Jimmy is picking up a bunch of them 12 litre boxes of wine from the Costco, so I just need you to get the beer.

- I’m on it baby. Earl is gonna bring all the leftover kegs from the demolition derby last week. He said most of them is near full and hardly flat at all.

-Well that sounds about right. I guess you can git to your bachelor party now.

-Thanks sugarplum. I jest kinda wish you hadn’t hired Merla Jean for the stripper.

-Dwayne Jr. you should be thankful you’re getting a stripper at all.

-But baby…she’s my cousin.

-She’s my cousin too and I ain’t whinin’ about it. It was the only ways I knew you’d keep yer grubby paws off’n her.

-Depends how drunk I get.

-What did you say Dwayne Junior?

-Nuthin’ honeybuch.

-I thought so. Now git on outta here afore I change my mind.

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