Tech Support

Tech Support

T.S.: Hello, this is Tech Support speaking. My name is Vikram, how may I help you?

Me: Hello Vikram. Wow, I‘ve reached India?

T.S.: Yes sir. What is being your trouble today sir?

Me: My trouble is being some problems with my password.

T.S.: Okay, can I have your name please sir?

Me: It’s Ian McEwen

T.S.: Okay Mr. MacQueen, can I have your account number please?

Me.: It’s actually McEwen…like Mick as in Jagger, then Ewe, as in female sheep, plus the letter n.   Mick-ewe-n

T.S.: So sorry, okay Mr. McEwen, can I have your account number please?

Me: Account is 57852201

T.S.: Okay sir, just a moment while I’m pulling you up on the computer.  And also sir can I interest ya’ll in purchasing our gold upgrade package for just 29.99 per month?

Me: No you can’t interest me and did you just say ya’ll?

T.S.: Of course not sir, that is not the Queen’s English.

Me: Vikram?

T.S.: Sir?

Me: You are losing your accent. Where are you from?

T.S.: Virginia sir. It’s actually Randy.

Me: Okay Randy, dare I ask why you are posing as Vikram?

T.S.: I just like to practice my accents. It’s kind of a boring job. Perhaps monsieur would like to compleete zee call wiz a French person?

Me: No really its fine. I just want to get my password fixed.

T.S.: No problem. And what is the name on the account sir?

ME: It’s under my wife’s name, Colleen, but I am in there as an account holder. Last time I called in I was added to the account. It was a nightmare. It took like two hours… please tell me I’m in there.

T.S.: Sorry sir, I am not seeing you on the account here.

Me: No no… I’m there…I-A-N…just look at the records of the last call.

T.S.: Right, okay, I was looking under E, but I see you spell it I-A-N. And can I ask you a few security questions first?

Me: Go ahead.

T.S.: So what is the name that your mother had before she married your father?

Me: You mean my mother’s maiden name?

T.S.: Yes sir. Her maiden name.

Me: It was Andersen.

T.S.: I’m sorry sir but that is incorrect.

Me: No, it’s not incorrect. That was her name before she got married. Andersen. Maybe you’re misreading it.

T.S.: No sir, it is definitely not Andersen.

Me: Is it A-N-D-E-R-S-E-N?

T.S: What was that last letter?

Me: N?

T.S.: Yes sorry, it is correct then. And sir, can I ask your postal address?

Me: It’s 2382 Lakeshore Rd.

T.S.: Okay that’s not good…I’ve got you down at another address.

Me: No… that’s the old address. We haven’t lived there for seven years. I asked them to take that off the records last time I called.

T.S.: Okay sir, I will remove that address for you now.

Me: Now, you say that you are doing it, but did you really remove the address?

T.S.: No. But I will be making a note sir for this to be done in the future.

Me: When? When will it be done?

T.S.: Because of the recent strike, we are approximately 7000 jobs behind sir. It may take a few months.

Me: Can you just do it now? Just press delete?

T.S.: No sir, we have to follow protocol and do the jobs in order that they come in.

Me: But you could do it now? You could just delete it?

T.S.: Yes

Me: But you won’t?

T.S.: I’m sorry sir.

Me: Okay whatever. Can you help me with my password or not?

T.S.: Of course sir.  Do you have the account open in front of you now?

Me: No. I can’t get in remember? My password doesn’t work.

T.S.: Right, okay. Um…I’ll need to talk to my manager. Can I put you on hold?

Me: Fine.

T.S.: Okay sir, we can re-set your password and email it to you. However…

Me: Let me guess.  You still have an old email on file and you don’t know which one to use?

T.S.: No sir, we don’t have any email on file for you whatsoever.

Me: Well you do, because you’ve been emailing me bills for the last five years.

T.S.: Wait…there it is…I found it. Vee are very sorry for zah mix up.

Me: What was that? French again?

T.S.: That was German sir.

Me: That was terrible.

T.S.: I’ve just starting working on it. Is there anything else I can help you with today sir?

Me: How about I check my email now before I hang up, to make sure the password is there.

T.S.: Oh it won’t be there yet sir. It will take approximately 3 to 5 days. Or possibly up to five weeks.

Me: Are you kidding me?

T.S.: Just kidding sir, it will only be 3 to 5 days.

Me: Can you do it right now?

T.S.: I’m not allowed to bump you up the cue sir.

Me: Come on Vikram. I’ll let you talk German to me.

T.S.: Its Henrick when I do German sir, and I still can’t.

Me: Okay you win. I’ll check my email in 3 to 5 days.

T.S.: Thank you for calling sir and have a great day.

Me: Auf wiedersehen Henrick.

T.S.: The answer is still no sir.

Click.